Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize