I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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