I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
