I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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