Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize