take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm always down for nudity.
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