So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
