My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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