Will you blow on my dice?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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