The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
