Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
