playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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