elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
