If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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