its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
