There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
