Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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