dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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