you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
