Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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