He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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