the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
