so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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