just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
