It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize