Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
