Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
