it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Someone signed my nipple.
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