i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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