Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
