Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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