I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
