Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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