If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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