this beer tastes like vomit already
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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