I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
