shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
