Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
