She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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