they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
