What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
