I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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