Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
