Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
