please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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