I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Panties = found
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
