On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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