She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All the doctor said was why
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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