none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize