she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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