You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
