It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
