one two three fourrrrnication!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
