i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
