Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
