Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
