then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
