i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so that wasnt chicken after all
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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