I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
