Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
