I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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