i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
