the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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