You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
