May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
