I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
