He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You need a sexual gate keeper
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize