I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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