I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
