I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize