Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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