not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
