If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just made out with a guy for $7.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
