Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
