i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
