Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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