i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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