dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She even gives head with a lisp.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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