i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
