She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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