Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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