R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
