Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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